Relationships are both wonderful and terrible. They can give us the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Most of us know this at some level, but we easily forget it. We get hooked on those loving feelings that come with the early periods of our relationship and expect them to last. We expect our partners to meet our needs, behave the way we want them to, fulfill our wishes, and generally make our lives better, easier, and happier—and then we get upset when reality clashes with our fantasy.
The tricky part about being human is that the people we spend the most time with and know most intimately are the very same people who “push our buttons” the most. And while a snide remark, cold rejection, harsh criticism, or angry outburst may be unpleasant coming from our boss, a neighbour, or a coworker, it hurts far more when it comes from the person we love. There is no getting away from this: love makes us vulnerable. If we allow ourselves to be intimate and open with another—to let that person past our defenses and into our heart—then we allow ourselves to get hurt. Love and pain are like intimate dance partners—they go hand in hand.
Does this all sound a bit grim, gloomy, and depressing? Fear not. The good news is, there is a way to bring some order to this messy business—and being willing to engage with a couples therapy process will help you to do this.
Working together with me, you’ll discover how to let go of unhelpful beliefs and attitudes about love; how to realistically create an authentic, intimate, loving long-term relationship; and how to deal with the painful thoughts and feelings that all such relationships inevitably cause. You’ll learn how to handle sadness, rejection, and fear; how to deal effectively with anger, frustration, and resentment; how to forgive both yourself and your partner; and how to rebuild trust if it has been shattered. You’ll learn how to reduce the amount of tension and stress associated with negotiating your needs and reconciling your differences—and how to turn the pain and hurt of conflict into caring and compassion. How does that sound?
If you are struggling as a couple and would like to find out more about my highly effective and powerful form of couples therapy, please feel free to get in touch with me to discuss the matter further.