Enneagram Four

Emotional Stability

Dear Four,

So you could have been a contender? That is true. You felt you had the prize for a while, that is true. And then lost it? Yes?

I am not going to respond with platitudes along the lines of “you can’t lose what you never really had in the first place”, although these words are true too. The prize awards itself to those who meet its often subjective criteria.

Did I say subjective? Perhaps not.  This piece of research carried out in 37 countries with 10,000 men and women shows very clearly who emerge as contenders in that game you find most meaningful to play.

What do women most want from a partner (in order of preference)? Here’s the run-down.

  1. Mutual Attraction
  2. Dependable Character
  3. Emotional Stability and Maturity
  4. Pleasing Disposition
  5. Education and Intelligence
  6. Sociability
  7. Good Health
  8. Desire for Home and Children
  9. Ambition and Industrious
  10. Refinement, Neatness Similar Education Good Financial Prospect Good Looks
  11. Favourable Social Status
  12. Good Cook and Housekeeper
  13. Similar Religious Background
  14. Similar Political Background

I think we can see where you need to put in the work?

You know this by now, otherwise you wouldn’t be speaking to me. The great thing is that you can practice skills 2-4 in your everyday existence with the people who already play a part in your life. I recognise that for you, this can sometimes feel like you’re being asked to dial down your authenticity, your heartfelt and candid self, but on the other hand, Four, aren’t these virtues part of your authenticity if embraced mindfully? They aren’t about stifling your effervescent spirit or dimming the light that shines within. They’re more about refining yourself into an entity that not only captivates but continues to hold another’s gaze and attention.

The traits might look somewhat mundane, but they are aspects of mammalian mating patterns that cannot be ignored or overlooked.

You get that, right?

I know you do.