Feel Better

Is Your Sexual/One-on-One Instinct Balanced, Over-Dominant, or Impaired?


When we integrate the Sexual Instinct into our lives, we recognize that our sexuality is not separate from any other aspects of life but rather that it is interconnected with our overall sense of aliveness and personal growth.

Having an integrated Sexual/One-on-One Instinct means we are able to pursue and engage in activities, relationships and experiences  with gusto, and in a way that genuinely enliven and arouse us.

We understand the importance of investing in ourselves and our sexual well-being, allowing us to nurture our individuality, develop our unique potentials, and express ourselves authentically. This integration also encourages us to explore and discover what expands our sense of aliveness, both sexually and in other areas of our lives.


Attraction and magnetism: Being aware of attractions and lack of attraction. Putting energy into being attractive through highlighting strengths/features. Heightened charisma. Broadcasting a quality of energy that commands attention. We are attracted to people and things that are good for us and that evolve us.

Exploration and edge: We are more interested in experiencing life powerfully than in stability or security. Being drawn to the edges of life and discovering our own edges energetically. Helping ourselves to get out of our lethargy, our comfortable ‘sleep’ inside whichever Ego Cage we find ourselves. This aspect of the Instinct activates us and brings us back to the wakeful intensity of this moment.

Fusion/merging: We sense an urge to lose ourselves in something or someone (could be a person, a piece of music or an engrossing book.) We seek conversations where the rest of the world seems to fall away. This leads to a beautiful capacity for focus and for being with the energy of another. This can also evolve into a fiery commitment to our well-being, and to staying on track with our life-enhancing practices regardless of what arises.

Other signs of a healthy Sexual/One-on-One Instinct (although of all the instincts, it is sometimes difficult to draw a line between healthy and unhealthy manifestations due to the unruly nature of the instinct itself)

  • As individuals, we often identify ourselves with the need to elicit the sexual choice of potential mates. Often, a significant part of our identity revolves around our ability to outshine others in the realm of sexual competition.
  • We strive to set ourselves apart by showcasing a distinct and enticing personality, projecting a unique and idiosyncratic flavour that captures attention.
  • Our focus tends to oscillate between intense fixation on our desired object and channeling our energy into cultivating interests, traits, and talents that serve as a display, much like a peacock’s tail.
  • At times, we abruptly shift from a state of intense urgency, activation, and preoccupation with a specific person to hastily redirecting our attention or cooling off altogether.
  • Driven by our desire for desire itself, we embrace an experimental approach to life, readily embracing abrupt changes in direction and pursuing our passions until we reach a point of consumption or exhaustion.
  • We wholeheartedly pursue our passions, often surpassing the limits that most individuals would have the fire to reach. However, we may struggle to muster the necessary energy for practical or social reasons, which can impede the realization of our desires and aspirations.
  • We place trust in the magnetic pull of attraction, without getting overly caught up in the specifics of how it all works. Yet, when we become unbalanced, we may find ourselves slavishly devoted to someone who holds an allure but proves to be toxic.
  • Our inclination lies in rejecting established norms and structures, as they hold little appeal to us. This can sometimes lead us down the path of unnecessary escalation in various situations.
  • Typically, we don’t seek a great deal of stability in our lifestyle, nor do we feel inclined to cultivate deep roots in any particular place.


Attraction and magnetism: We get attracted to people and situations that are repetitions of our narcissistic wounds. We keep signing up for the same hurts and heartbreaks.

Exploration and edge: We are restless and in search of stimulation, distracted from our being.

Fusion/merging: There is a recurrent pattern of losing ourselves in relationships as well as in preoccupations – a difficulty holding a middle ground. All or nothing.


Attraction and magnetism: We may find it difficult sensing what turns us on, and getting beyond our familiar boundaries and comfort zones. We might perceive others’ sexual energy as dangerous or narcissistic.

Exploration and edge: We may stay in our comfort zones and become disturbed by others who want to challenge themselves.

Fusion/merging: We may at times appear to have no passion or commitment to anything.

Other signs of an impaired Sexual/One-on-One Instinct: 

  • We may feel that there is no acceptable arena for relenting to irrational impulses.
  • We will most likely have a limit to which we won’t let ourselves go or be swept up in something.
  • We often experience a strong obligation to dampen and self-contain, which can effectively limit certain avenues of self-expansion and creativity.
  • We have the tendency to overemphasise a sense of being consistent, responsible, acceptable, and sensible.
  • We struggle in registering impressions and sensations about what turns us on or trusting chemistry.
  • We often avoid risks to our identity.
  • Due to chemistry not being on our radar, there is a bluntness to how we approach sex and sexuality, and we can miss or not see the dance of sexual display and attraction.
  • The appeal of others to us can be based on affinity and like-mindedness rather than the tension of polarities which sparks chemistry.
  • We can avoid fully articulating projects and talents for fear of putting others off or offending them.
  • We can be blind to our vibrancy, and inadequate attention to self-expression can result in us feeling unremarkable and bland.
  • We may be obsessive about our interests but have the quality of being outside of them.