Being human is a tricky business.
Therapy can offer us many things, but perhaps its three most valuable offerings are:
1) A person and a process to whom you can speak your Inner Truth, whatever that is.
2) A place where you will always be fully heard and engaged with, without any moral or social agendas driving our discussion (the only focus being a your mental, physical and creative/spiritual well-being).
3) An opportunity to get to know yourself a bit better, and in so doing, learn to cope more skilfully with the Self or Selves you are (or hope to become).
Where To Begin?
I believe there are Five Jumping-Off Points in terms of any therapeutic conversation or encounter we might have. You can read about these in the How I Work section of this site.
Perhaps an overall good place to start is to ask yourself “who” exactly is reading these words?
You, of course, but who or what is this “you”?
Each of us gets through life thanks to a certain kind of temperament, character, or personality style. This is the lens or “Operating System” through which the psyche functions in order to to get its needs met. Freud gave a very simple name to this part of us, calling it “I” or “me” (in German: Das Ich), which in English is usually translated into the Latin word Ego.
Imagine a pair bifocal glasses with two lenses: the Clarity Lens shows you the world and yourself in the most adaptive way, whilst the Shadow Lens reveals distortions and complexities. These lenses could be said to symbolize your personality style—Clarity brings well-being, whereas Shadow often brings distress.
Below are nine Enneagram-based bifocals. Choose the pair that best captures your internal experience of light and shade.
1. The Perfectionist
Description: Classic, clean lines with an air of precision.
Clarity Lens: Accurate, Committed, Discerning, Ethical, Fair, Idealistic, Organized, Principled, Purposeful, Rational, Responsible, Self-Controlled, Sensible, Thorough, Wise
Shadow Lens: Critical, Demanding, Inflexible, Judgmental, Obsessive, Overbearing, Perfectionistic, Rigid, Ruthless, Self-Righteous, Tense, Unforgiving, Unyielding, Withdrawn, Worrying
2. The Helper
Description: Warm, inviting frames with a nurturing touch.
Clarity Lens: Affectionate, Caring, Compassionate, Considerate, Generous, Helpful, Kind, Loving, Nurturing, Personable, Sincere, Supportive, Sympathetic, Thoughtful, Understanding
Shadow Lens: Clingy, Co-dependent, Intrusive, Manipulative, Meddling, Overbearing, Overindulgent, Patronizing, Possessive, Self-Sacrificing, Smothering, Suffocating, Inauthentic, Unselfish, Zealous
3: The Achiever
Description: Sleek, modern design symbolizing ambition and success.
Clarity Lens: Adaptive, Ambitious, Confident, Driven, Efficient, Goal-Oriented, Motivated, Optimistic, Organized, Productive, Successful, Tenacious, Thriving, Versatile, Winning
Shadow Lens: Arrogant, Competitive, Consumed, Controlling, Deceptive, Driven, Image-Conscious, Manipulative, Overworked, Ruthless, Shallow, Unemotional, Unscrupulous, Vain, Workaholic
4: The Individualist
Description: Artistic frames with unique, creative flair.
Clarity Lens: Authentic, Creative, Deep, Expressive, Imaginative, Individualistic, Insightful, Intuitive, Original, Passionate, Romantic, Sensitive, Thoughtful, Unique, Understanding
Shadow Lens: Aloof, Capricious, Despondent, Dramatic, Envious, Impulsive, Moody, Oversensitive, Resentful, Self-Absorbed, Temperamental, Unpredictable, Unsettled, Whimsical, Withdrawn
5: The Investigator
Description: Intellectual, minimalistic design with a focus on functionality.
Clarity Lens: Analytical, Curious, Detail-Oriented, Independent, Inquisitive, Intelligent, Inventive, Objective, Observant, Reflective, Reserved, Thoughtful, Unattached, Wise, Visionary
Shadow Lens: Aloof, Cold, Critical, Detached, Eccentric, Guarded, Isolated, Obsessive, Pessimistic, Reclusive, Reticent, Secretive, Skeptical, Unemotional, Withdrawn
6: The Loyalist
Description: Sturdy, reliable frames representing trust and loyalty.
Clarity Lens: Alert, Cautious, Committed, Dependable, Engaged, Faithful, Friendly, Loyal, Observant, Prepared, Responsible, Secure, Supportive, Trusting, Vigilant
Shadow Lens: Anxious, Cautious, Defensive, Doubtful, Fearful, Insecure, Nervous, Obsessive, Paranoid, Skeptical, Suspicious, Tense, Uncertain, Wary, Worrisome
7: The Enthusiast
Description: Vibrant, colorful frames radiating joy and excitement.
Clarity Lens: Adventurous, Bubbly, Energetic, Enthusiastic, Fun, Happy, Joyful, Optimistic, Playful, Positive, Spontaneous, Upbeat, Versatile, Vibrant, Youthful
Shadow Lens: Distracted, Escapist, Fickle, Flighty, Impatient, Impulsive, Irresponsible, Overindulgent, Restless, Scattered, Superficial, Uncommitted, Unfocused, Unrestrained, Wasteful
8: The Challenger
Description: Bold, assertive frames symbolizing strength and control.
Clarity Lens: Authoritative, Confident, Courageous, Decisive, Direct, Energetic, Just, Leading, Powerful, Protective, Resolute, Strong, Tenacious, Truthful, Unyielding
Shadow Lens: Aggressive, Bullying, Confrontational, Controlling, Dominating, Intimidating, Merciless, Overbearing, Ruthless, Shouting, Unempathetic, Unyielding, Vengeful, Volatile, Willful
9: The Peacemaker
Description: Gentle, calming frames with an emphasis on harmony.
Clarity Lens: Accepting, Calm, Comforting, Content, Easygoing, Harmonious, Peaceful, Receptive, Relaxed, Satisfied, Simple, Supportive, Trusting, Unassuming, Understanding
Shadow Lens: Apathetic, Complacent, Disengaged, Disconnected, Dull, Ignoring, Indifferent, Lazy, Passive, Resigned, Sleepy, Stagnant, Stubborn, Unfocused, Unresponsive.
If you’re here, whatever specs you’re wearing, you’re probably hurting. Therapy aims to untangle the web of your personality bifocals, past experiences, as well as life circumstances in order to help you find greater peace and well-being.
How I Might Be Able To Assist You With All of This
I have over a decade’s worth of experience, both in the NHS and privately, helping clients with an extensive range of personal issues ranging from anxiety and depression to relationship problems (including couples therapy and dating issues/frustrations), sexuality and identity, LGBTQ+ issues and gender dysphoria, substance/food/drink dependencies, ADHD, autism and other forms of neurodivergency, trauma, PTSD, work problems, and all the other ways in which we human beings suffer.
Together we can explore what factors might be contributing to your struggles, looking at the deeper roots of these problems as well as focusing on the here-and-now to help you lead a more fulfilling life.
This can help give you a better understanding of yourself, as well as new skills or perspectives in moving ahead through life. For more about how we would do this, please have a look at my How I Work page.
If you’d like to arrange an initial consultation session to talk more, or perhaps connect for a 15-20 minute “vibes” chat on the phone, let’s organise that for us on WhatsApp (07804197605), or via email if you prefer.
I look forward to hearing from you.