In our quest for deep, transformative love, we often observe our inherent tendencies, characteristics, and the subtle nuances that shape our relationships. One such tendency is the craving for a unique form of love, which we might refer to as ‘merging love’. This is the desire to seek intimacy and closeness to such an extent that we feel merged with our partners, experiencing a deep sense of connection and unity.
Our fascination and investment in relationships often stem from this very longing for merging love. We seek intimate relationships as they come closest to providing this sense of deep connection, replicating, albeit imperfectly, the feeling of ‘merging gold’ love. This love is the essence of connection and brings us closer to the realization that we are inherently connected beings, not separate entities. However, without this deep connection, we often experience a profound sense of loneliness and emptiness, making life seem unbearable.
In this context, our search for connection extends beyond romantic relationships. It includes friendships, familial bonds, and associations with groups and organisations. However, our yearning for this merging love can sometimes lead to challenging circumstances in relationships. We might struggle to find sustainable relationships or become stuck in situations of dependency. This often arises from our inability to access this ‘merging gold’ love, leading us to become dependent and adopt codependent behaviours.
We might find ourselves taking on the role of a giver, trying to compensate for our own needs by attending to the needs of others. Yet, this giving is rarely pure and selfless, often accompanied by an underlying agenda – to feel supported and helped. We might disguise our dependency by creating the illusion that others depend on us. This codependency pattern, however, can only be genuinely resolved by integrating the essence of merging gold love, which entails shedding the identity that thrives on deriving support from feeling merged with another.
To satisfy our craving for connection, we might even find ourselves idealising certain figures, often extending help and affection to establish a connection with them. Feeling connected and important to such figures brings us a sense of satisfaction, protection, and support. We derive pleasure from feeling special and connected in their presence.
Our inclination to nurture others often stems from our own need for nourishment, a manifestation of the codependency we find ourselves ensnared in. The nourishment we seek is present in the actual state of merging gold, a state of profound connection and presence.
Unfortunately, our pursuit of this state often involves various manipulative tactics to attain what we desire. This manipulation not only permeates our relationships but also other areas of our life, becoming a basic strategy for fulfilling our wants and needs.
However, our inherent desire for independence and autonomy often resurfaces as we begin to break free from these constraining patterns. As we gain access to the true connection of merging love, we attain a level of autonomy that comes with not needing to seek this love elsewhere. This newfound autonomy bestows upon us the freedom and independence required to resolve the core issues rooted in our fixation.
Ultimately, our journey towards this deep, transformative love calls for a sincere sharing of ourselves, without reservations or manipulations. As we integrate the essence of merging gold love into our lives, we begin to exhibit authentic sharing, building powerful communities where everyone enjoys the fruits of such openness and connection. Through this process, we not only attain the love we have been seeking but also evolve as individuals, developing a deeper understanding of ourselves and our relationships.
HOW MIGHT WE DO THIS?
The next time we find ourselves trapped in a Two-style Ego Cage, feeling lonely, empty and impoverished in this way, we might try to connect in our bodies with the sensations and inner experience of this disconnection, without judging ourselves or others, or getting carried away by the internal chatter of this state.
As we delve into this inner experience, the disconnection often reveals itself as an emptiness characterised by loneliness and a lack of love and richness.
This deficiency is frequently experienced by us as a profound neediness, a longing for a loving connection that can manifest as a physical emptiness in the chest. This journey through the emptiness is akin to a partial ego death, leading (if we practise this) to an opening, a spaciousness that can unlock the centre of this aspect.
Those who engage in this practice describe it as removing a cork from a bottle or untying a knot, allowing the river of inner cherishing to flow and nourish the impoverished soul.The reward for enduring this lonely and impoverished emptiness is the emergence of a beautiful, transparent, flowing golden love. It is a bubbling up in the chest, a fountain in the heart, a nourishing sweetness that uplifts, satisfies, and fulfils. It is a sense of primordial safety, a feeling that all we need is here.
In this way, we may be able in time to resolve and clarify the patterns that constrain our souls and deprive them freedom. We also in this way gain access to a tool that helps us approach the deeper core of loneliness and deprivation, penetrate it, and melt it.
As Maya Angelou once put it: “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.” The integration of the merging gold into our souls might help us to be more sincere and truthful, more direct and transparent in our interactions and dealings with the world.
These are the expressions of the liberated Two Aspect in each of us as this generous heartfulness and approach to life and relationships is not exclusive to Twos. It is, at least from a psychospiritual dimension, accessible to all of us.